An Appeal to One Miss Carrie Bradshaw

Dear Ms. Bradshaw,

I would like to first state that I am a very loyal fan of yours. I have looked to you for inspiration in many aspects of my life and you are an icon to me in more ways than one. I can quote excerpts of dialogue from your show as it runs through my head on a regular basis. And yes, I even have a Carrie Necklace, except for mine says Alicia. That being said, some recent news regarding your future has come to my attention and I can not continue to sit back in silence and watch you make another horrific error.

Upon hearing that a sequel to the film about the lives of you and your three BFFs is to be made, I have been beside myself with apprehension and anxiety. This is a development about which I have given a great deal of thought in recent days. I have come to the conclusion that this is something that I will not support, nor should you. I am reminded of when I was a little girl watching movies like The Little Mermaid and The Wizard of Oz, becoming incredibly stressed out when the beloved characters continued to make the very bad decisions I was so desperately willing them to reconsider. No Dorothy, please for the love of God, just stay in Munchkinland. It seems safe enough, apart from that Lollipop Guild. I am begging you Ariel, just stay a mermaid, so much cooler under the sea. I always stopped the movie after they made these bad decisions, thus sealing their fate for the next hour and a half to one of doom and gloom. The fact that things would work out again in the end was not incentive enough for me to watch the debacle unfold. It is also similar to my aversion to much reality television as I can not stomach watching people embarrass themselves. I am afraid, dear friend, that this is what you are about to do.

Sequels, unless predetermined before the release of the first feature, are a blatant insult to artistic integrity, and would be a grave disservice to your character. You deserve much better than this. I understand the business side of making a sequel and extending a franchise. The first film was largely successful at the box office, and I am not so naive as to think that the money coming in from various angles would not motivate a sequel. But at what price was the success of the first film achieved? What is the real cost of making a sequel to this rehashed and spit up mess?

As an ardent fan of yours I did go to see the film in theaters three different times and I also own a copy of the DVD. (Trying to be supportive) I find it to be an enjoyable enough movie, however one that is completely void of anything relating to the original concept of the series. When the first film was released last Spring, I was among its most zealous cheerleaders. Pom poms and megaphone in hand, I had faith that the film would carry on the same ideas and characters as the show. After I saw the movie I continued my support for it and ignored any concerns about the deeply unrealistic plot and actions of the characters. However, after hearing this news of a sequel I can no longer conceal my disappointment and regret at the events that supposedly transpired in the lives of you and your friends, all of whom I adore.

The concerns, I have until now kept to myself, are similar to those of most everyone who saw the film. These issues are all mostly to do with the complete and total overreaction of every single character in the entire film and the complete and total lack of rational thinking and behavior. The story developed with an incredibly anemic plot based on nothing but escalated reactions to very trivial happenings. The following are examples of this phenomenon that occurred in the film: Steve slept with someone else and Miranda was Hell bent on never forgiving him ever again, never ever again! Smith worked too much and Samantha loved herself more than she loved him and therefore she left him. (yeah um..ok.. whatever, moving on...) Charlotte accidentally swallowed water in Mexico and was subject to a most embarrassing and highly unnecessary incident, which, quite unfortunately was her most memorable part in the film. And Big had a bout of pre-wedding jitters for two point five seconds and you, Carrie, completely flipped your shit and lost all sanity and sense of reason as you proceeded to beat him down with your flowers in the middle of the street and then cut off all ties with him completely and totally.

(Deep Breath....regroup)

While these events are realistic and believable enough, as they can happen in the world somewhere, they do not seem to fit the previous behaviors of you or your friends. You are all far too sophisticated for such base attempts at humor and drama.

With this bit of history in mind, my appeal to you, your creators, portrayor (new word! apparently), and stylists is as follows: please for the love of all things Cosmopolitan and Manolo Blahnik, do not let this sequel work its way into existence. Do we really need to fervently tear open this perfectly gift wrapped package yet again, and rip the tissue to pieces to just then shove it in the same package and tie it again with the same old worn out bow? I for one, do not need to see what happens to you and your friends, I have already found peace with it and moved on, as I think should you, with the satisfaction that you have a very lovely life.

(I can see already, as contracts have been signed, that there is no getting through to you, and yes I will go to the theater to see this train wreck)

I wish you all the best and have misplaced hopes for a decent script at the very least.


Disheartened and Defeated,

Alicia

Phil Better be Good with the Snow Shovel!

So the varmit saw his shadow, which determines that there will be 6 more weeks of Winter. But are we really surprised?

I can not, in all of my 24.5 years on this Earth, recall a February 2nd when the sunshine did not magically appear after weeks and weeks of dismal January clouds, just in time to allow Mr. Phil to be frightened by his own shadow (lame ass) and declare another 6 weeks of winter. I remember as a little girl, every second day of February, hoping that the rodent would not be able to see his shadow. And if he did, maybe this year he would not be afraid. Maybe this would be the year that he would look that shadow in the face and say "I am not afraid of you! I am a rodent of unusual size for crying out loud! I will not bow down in the face of darkness and evil! I laugh at your meager attempts to scare the bejesus out of me!"

I don't remember this ever happening, because Punxsutawney is apparently a wuss.

So because this rodent is completely spineless we are doomed to six more weeks of snow and ice and death and destruction.

But I have a plan that will vastly improve the lives of future generations. I propose that Phil relocate to the Pacific Northwest. I understand it is cloudy and rainy there constantly, and I imagine the chances of him seeing his shadow on this cursed day every year would diminish greatly. And if the sight of his own shadow really and truly leaves him so on edge, I am sure he would not mind a more hospitable environment for his fragile nerves.

But, until he becomes a more rational individual and/or makes a move to a sunless environment, I demand that he help me shovel the driveway and push my car out of whatever snow drift in which it gets stuck!