So very much has happened within the past two years. I have moved from city to city. For a girl who lived in one city until she was 24, changing cities twice in two years is big. My brother and his family brought me to San Francisco and grad school at NYU brought me to New York. Although I was not that excited about San Francisco when I was there, I miss it dearly now. New York is not living up to my expectations. I am not even sure what they were anymore.
I am struggling with living in New York. It is a very lonely place and it is difficult to deal with the fact that everyone seems to be competing for everything. Maybe that is just my perspective, but every time I walk out the door of my apartment I must prepare to compete for room on the sidewalk, the subway, the elevator, an internship, a job. It is exhausting.
I am not prepared to write-off New York completely. I have not been here long enough to come to such a drastic conclusion. I just need to find an anchor here. Something that is mine. Hopefully that happens soon. New York often reminds me of a club that refuses to let me join. I am not sure what I am missing but I am confident that the fault is mine and not New York. My hope is that one day something will just click and I will be at home here.
For now, absence makes the heart grow fonder and that has never seemed more true than now and my longing for all the things that make San Francisco what it is and different from New York.
